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Thursday, July 31, 2003

This is a serious matter, this air conditioning. The government, besides its investment in actually air conditioning every square inch of the swamp that used to be DC, does research on how many people have air conditioning. It's part of the census.

Really.

As of 1998, according to the US Census Bureau, 'Just under half of the nation's households (47 percent) had central air conditioning in 1997. About 7 in 10 in the South had it, just over 2 in 10 in the Northeast.'

The report continues, noting the places least and most likely to need AC on the 4th of July, 'A few major places in the United States where one likely won't need air conditioning this July 4th include Juneau, Alaska (where the daily maximum July temperature is 63.9 degrees Fahrenheit); San Francisco (71.6); and Seattle-Tacoma, Wash. (75.2). Meanwhile, prepare to really sizzle in Phoenix (105.9), Dallas-Fort Worth (96.5) and El Paso, Texas (96.1).'

As the newest addition to the ACblog, I have to say that I too love Air Conditioning.

It’s not just DC that’s unbearably hot, the city in which I've spent this summer has had it's hottest weather in 100 years. Of course, I work with a Puerto Rican man and he cranks the AC up, so I’m actually chilly. I have to wear a sweater during the summer, but a lot of my friends don't have AC at work.

They're kinda backwards here in Europe when it comes to that stuff, as you can see here.

Neither the Tube nor the Paris Metro have Air Conditioning!

And it's not like those people don't smell enough. Throw them all together in 95 degree heat, with their derision of Americans and our 'cleanliness fetish' (true story). Gross.

We here at the ACblog knew that air conditioning would change the world. But we didn't know it would change the world so much!


What technological innovation has fundamentally altered people's lives in the past 100 years? Many would say electricity or air travel or antibiotics. If you asked this question exclusively of long-time Southerners, however, a good share might come up with a different answer: air conditioning.


HOLY SHIT! The article continues:


In fact, the practice of official Washington meeting year-round is relatively new. Before the introduction of air conditioning, Washington's notoriously brutal summers usually forced Congress to adjourn from June to September


Air conditioning is 100% responsible for the awesome condition of our federal government! You can blame air conditioning for the deficit, war in the middle east, and George W. Bush!
An AC post in three parts:

1) I lived in Washington DC for a summer. If any city needs AC, it's this 'nation's capitol.' It's like living in a gym shoe that Louie Anderson has been wearing for a week straight. It's horrifying. It makes you want to be violent, if you had the energy.

Check this out--I read a piece in the Washington Post, during one particularly sweltering week, about how people were 'too dependent' on air conditioning. "What about the pioneers?" the op-ed piece read. "They lived without AC. They simply sat on their porches and used fans and drank mint juleps."

Okay, also, in 'the pioneer days,' people married their cousins and you could die from a mild case of syphilis. Do you really think that pioneers, given the option of air conditioning, would have turned it down?

No. Unless they were suffering from the vapors.

+++

2) I have a new office. The temperature here is about 40 degrees. I'm so happy. I feel sort of like Walt Disney, only less anti-Semitic.

+++

3) One time, when I was younger and my parents weren't home, I closed all the windows and drapes and cranked the AC up as high as it would go. Then I put on the fireplace and wrapped myself in a blanket and watched movies.

What is that? That, my friend, is living.
It's summer time now, and boy is it hot! The hotter it gets, the hotter it gets in our houses. Pretty soon, it will be so hot, that the hot inside will be the same as the hot outside, and then we might as well be living in caves, mightn't we? Mightn't!

But fear not, fellow high tech early adopters. There is a new technology that lives on the fringe of the edge of our awareness -- a magical machine that will actually allow us to cool our homes down without using the traditional giant blocks of ice. Pretty soon, you will be saying to yourself, "how did I ever use an ICM [ice cooling machine]? I can just click a few buttons and get whatever temperature I want, whenever I want it! Amazing!"

That's right ladies and gentlemen. Within months, I predict that everyone (especially those of you reading this blog) will have this great new technology in your own home. And what, you ask, is it called? AIR CONDITIONING. Much like hair conditioning which takes your brittle and abused hair and turns it into soft, luxiurous locks with lots of natural bounce and shine, air conditioning takes the stagnant, disease filled air in your house and turns it into a fresh, pine-scented, refreshing breeze!

AIR CONDITIONING. IT WILL CHANGE THE WAY YOU SEE AIR. FOREVER.

Tune in to the ACblog where I will be documenting the rise of this new world-altering technology.

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